Well, tried to.
There's no running from yourself.
I Never Promised You A Rose Garden.
Thing is, marriage has its adjustments-especially for the second time, with people deeply embedded in their ways.
Being in a different country, far from your family and what's known and loved has its adjustments-especially if you are missing significant things.
Living in another person's home requires adjustment.
Finding your own place and a sense of belonging takes time, and in a more ideal situation would be taxing enough, but with all these added stresses...well, somedays it just feels like too much.
There's legalities, expense, social stresses and the seemingly endless need to be ressured that these adjustments are in some way worth making. Where is it all heading anyway?
Sometimes, I think if Larrie and I were both dealing with all the same newness and both had only each other to hold to, it would be better. I probably still do. making a way a new world together is a much more appealing idea for me.
But, unless we grow together, how long would it be before we recreated the same set of circumstances?
"I Never Promised You A Rose Garden", but I know where we can find one.
But, as I walked, I was praying, talking to the LORD. I don't lay blame on anyone when I pray...I don't want to complain. I talk the LORD about some of the things I feel...for my benefit. He already knows. He knows better than I do, how I feel and why. He has a much better understanding.
He reminded me of something He had shared with me a few days earlier from Ps 37.
The entire psalm is good, but on this occasion I saw this sequence that runs from
"Do not fret..." in verse 1 thru
"..trust in the LORD(v3)
...delight in the LORD ( v4),
...commit your way to the LORD(v5) ...and trust again,
..Be still and wait patiently, for the LORD (v7)
...refrain from anger...do not fret (v8)
And just how well was I going with these things??
Not so well. And why?
Verse 1 - I was fretting and that does lead to being angry with whoever you think could make a difference.
I messed up on verse 1!
The antidote is found in verses 3-7.
Trust, delight in, commit/trust, be still and wait patiently.
And I can do ALL these when I focus on God's goodness and HIS faithfulness.
When I keep my eyes on Him and His Word and not on fearful distractions (or even pleasurable ones), then I will have unshakable peace and have my soul satisfied with the sweetest of fare.
It takes diligence and deliberate attention to practice righteousness, but it comes with such glorious promises. The greatest being to know God experientially in yourself and your life. Is 32:17 says:
The fruit of righteousn1ss is peace,
the effect of righteousness is confidence and assurance forever.
I WANT to believe God. I WANT to walk by faith.
The righteous shall live by faith Heb 10:38, Rom 1:17, Hab 2:4...just to mention a few.
Faith is for walking with God and all that's needed for doing that...not for getting "stuff".
I had already decided that I would keep a partial fast for as long as I felt led to-an apple and some grapes in the morning and a single meal in the evening and every time I feel hungry, I remember God and why I am doing this: I want my flesh under subjection to the Spirit and I want GOD to show up!
Evidenced in things that ONLY GOD can do-in me, in those around me and in this place.
And now, I am doing better...drawing LIFE sustaining substance from His Word.
Trust, delight in (enjoy), commit/trust, be still and wait patiently.
So, when you want to run away...run with perseverence .
Run to the LORD!
He IS the rose garden.
Blessings!
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